Side Effects

When my girls were younger, we would often play a game we made up, simply called: Side Effects.

We would try to outdo each other with our descriptions of horrendous side effects, such as: "Side effects may include, loss of bones, chronic halitosis, nonstop burping, chronic flatulence," and the like. It was all humorous and would usually end in lots of laughter, being completely disgusted, or both.

I can't watch a commercial about a new medication without thinking of "our game." Unfortunately, as someone who is on 5 medications for a chronic illness, I know first hand about side effects. While mine aren't funny, I have found humor to be my own side effect in dealing with the blows this life seems to wield.

Humor is a big part of our lives. In fact, I was once let go from a job, because my sarcasm and my constant humor were a distraction. ( umm, right. But, at least I wasn't getting high like the other employees...) okay, back to the topic at hand.

Humor can indeed be an outlet, but it can also be a defense mechanism and I know that too. I have used humor in embarrassing situations and in times of crises. I can usually whip out a quick retort with lightening quick accuracy. I will get the last word; usually because I've left everyone laughing.

I have come a long way in all that. As I was growing up I had zero self confidence. I would cower at the thought of having to do something as simple as walking across the classroom. ( I know some of you are in shock, but it's the truth ) Humor, the arts and my relationship with God helped bring me out of that lie of "less than." But so much of my self worth had been shaped by what had happened to me as a child. I never knew my own father, as my mother fled for her life from him, with me in tow. Then, years later my ( now ex ) stepfather was abusive in every way imaginable and living with him, created a life of charades in public. We were even told by a minister to "just keep praying for him, because God hates divorce," as we wore clothes to hide bruises and hand prints.

Fast forward years later, and divorce, poverty, chronic illness, rejection, and a litany of other nouns that would fill up my autobiography have created their own side effects: resilience, strength, creativity, empathy and yes humor.

We laugh about the summer of eating almost exclusively summer squash.
We laughed when the handle broke off of the truck I'm borrowing. again.
We laughed about 3 appliances that stopped working in one week.

We've laughed, cried, prayed and laughed again. Sometimes, we've cried more; but the truth is, the greatest side effect of this life with Christ is peace. When I don't understand the long and ever growing list of whys, there's still peace. When I am lonely and the string of rainy days, make my joints ache like I've just had surgery, I have peace. When I am scared about the future, and the very prognosis of my disease or even how I am going to get through this week, there's peace.

Tomorrow, my mother will have eye surgery. It is due to the side effects of an injury caused over 50 years ago, by the man who was my father. She doesn't deserve it. She has had trouble with this eye my whole life, including multiple procedures, surgeries and now as cataracts and glaucoma have set in, there is damage, that to quote the doctors, "We will not really know the extent of what we'll find until we get in there." In another time in my life, I may have been worried. And because my mother is one who has already dealt with so much in her life, she too could be worried. But, with all we've faced, we also have the amazing assurance of peace and rest that only Christ can give. Of course, we've also joked about her new eye patch and the fact that "Talk Like a Pirate Day," has already passed.

No, we're not in denial about all the what ifs. We've not been perfect. I would be lying if I said I had not dealt with years of bitterness and unforgiveness. But, when the chaos seems overwhelming, we're just ultimately left with the side effects: peace.


Isaiah 43:2New International Version (NIV)

² When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.