The Compass Isn't Broken
I always knew it was just too much for them. Emotionally, spiritually....I just knew they weren't ready. For those of you who don't know the story, well let's just say it would be too hard for them.
You see, my daughters haven't seen their father in almost 6 years. So, Father's Day, became a "second" Mother's Day for us. We would go to a lake or park and take a picnic and just spend the day with each other. I always loved it. Then, this year, things changed.
Recently, everything in my life seems to be moving backwards. I haven't changed my route. I am still focused on my "True North;" Jesus. But for reasons I can't explain, nor can anyone else in whom I have confided, things are "regressing." My children, ,my finances, even my dreams. This Father's Day, we couldn't go anywhere. I literally had just enough gas to get to church and home. My oldest daughter asked "why are we going? It's Father's Day...and you know what that means, the whole service will be dedicated to fathers and don't want to be there." I responded with: "You are old enough now to celebrate the great fathers in this world, and besides I know the Pastor will be sensitive to the single moms. Besides, he already told us the sermon series he's on." I cannot tell you how hard I was praying this was so.
Indeed, the sermon was wonderful. We are studying the book of Phillipians and how we as Christians, though faced with the insurmountable at times, can still have "Joy."
I was ecstatic. We had made it! Then, came the end of the service. The pastor gave an a real mandate to the Fathers to be the Godly leaders of their homes. Then, he told us all the fathers would receive a small compass as they left as a gift. As the head of the family, the fathers needed to show their kids "the way." My youngest daughter, whispered, "Today is Father's Day? We were supposed to go to the lake." whew....I took a blow to the heart...I told her we just couldn't this year, but I was going to make a great lunch and we would still have a great day!
As we were leaving, the ushers/greeters were handing out the compasses to the dads. When I approached the exit, they held the bins down and just shook my hand. I said: "I'll take a compass, please...I'm a single parent." The young lady handed me one, red-faced and said: "Wow, I didn't even think about that."
As I took the compass I thought so much how the impact of that moment could have affected my kids and gone completely awry. I could've become bitter and offended but I held it together and as we drove home, everyone was very quiet.
We have had some serious talks over the last few days about that day, the Lord. I have had to say "no" too many times to count. I have had to hold it together assuring these girls entrusted to me, that we are doing the right thing. I am focused on who He is and not what is and what isn't happening around me. Lots of "life" we'll say.
"No, I'm sorry we're not hiring."
"Thank you for applying, but...."
"No ma'am I'm sorry we can't give you anymore extensions."
"We've already filled that position."
"No, we're not taking on any new artists right now."
"Your work is amazing, but....."
I keep that compass in my purse. Not that I need it...I have a great sense of direction thank you very much, but as a reminder of how at any given moment we have a choice.
My daughters are looking to me for direction, and for my response. If I give up, then they won't see the work God has already done. If I had turned that moment into bitterness...they would have as well.
I am reminded often of how gracious the Lord is, when in my desperation for an answer I will shake my fist and remind Him of His promises. As I am typing this, He didn't strike me down! whew. But, that peace, that calm, that assurance that my compass is working. It may waver and be shaky at times and drop to the bottom of my purse, but it works...He is working. He still loves. He still brings joy, even when I can't see the horizon.
Today, I was perhaps a little down as I received news of yet another financial issue. My daughter sat beside me and said: "Mom, it's gonna be alright, you know God will work it out."
Nice. The compass works.
I don't know if you realize this Noel, but your compass gives others direction as well. See God does love us all, and He continues to work behind the scenes even when we think He has forgotten us. Like you, every day, I have to pretend that things are ok and keep going even when it isn't. See, but you are paving the way for other single mothers who are fighting the good fight everyday, to fulfill both parental roles and become the best they can at it, despite life's circumstances. Continue to be that light for others, hold on to the hope that better days and a brighter future lay ahead of you, and more importantly, keep the faith, for in the end you will be victorious. That is the amazing God we serve, the All knowing, All merciful God, All loving God, with neverending grace. Praying for you, my friend. Much love, Aisha:))
ReplyDeleteThank you so much sweet friend....
ReplyDeleteI know, He will inded finish what He started in all our lives.
Love u right back,
Noel :)