Planting in Borrowed Soil

I rent a small house in my hometown.

When I first moved back to North Carolina, it was supposed to be a time to take a break from ministry and "catch our breath" after more than a year of dealing with illnesses and "church positions." It was meant to be temporary and a sabbatical of sorts.

When we moved in, I had no idea it would become such a haven.  It was only a few short weeks after that move that I received divorce papers completely to my surprise and things were set in motion that would change my life forever.

Fast forward to this summer.  Nine years later and this little house is our home. My daughters share a room and you have to go through my room to go to the bathroom, but it's home; creaks and all.

Our landlady has been wonderful. She has let me plant flowers and garden to my heart's content.  Believe me when I say, some of my "best" conversations with God have been over the roar of a lawnmower or the whispers while digging in the flowerbeds.  ( when I say "best" it's with His grace...trust me )

It's far from perfect. 
The neighbors often drive me crazy.
But, it's home.

My girls went on "safaris" in that back yard.  My youngest learned to ride without training wheels on the street in front of our house.  We have had slumber parties, Birthday parties and more meals on my cozy front porch than we've probably had inside.  Lots of memories, lots of tears, lots of warmth.

Just a few months ago, however I thought I would lose it all.

After losing my job last year, I have been on a journey I really wouldn't wish on anyone. I thought I was done "struggling."  This is a fact I pretty much let God know. Again, and again.

Yet, here I was again.....broke, dependent on systems and friends and family and whatever freelance artwork or part time gig could grant a few dollars.  The crazy thing about life, is when you don't have the money for something...well, that's kind of irrelevant. The bills don't stop even though life is moving at breakneck speed.  Such was the case with rent.  It still was due, and after a few months of being more than gracious, I had an ultimatum before me.  I had until October to get back on track, or we would have to move.

Here, I began a desperate attempt to "make things happen."

I re-applied to close to 30 positions for which I'd already applied.
I yelled at God.
I begged God.
I blamed God.
I cried.
I drank lots of coffee.
I wrote over 200 people asking for help. 8 answered.
 I cried some more.

Then, I planted flowers.


I had purchased a "Groupon" several months before in hopes of saving it to buy Fall mums and pansies. ( If your area doesn't have them, it's a highly discounted coupon of sorts for services, etc.)

I went outside and prayed over every little chunk of overturned earth.  Purple and pink mums were added to the yellow and orange marigolds that were already there from the Summer. I added pansies that turned their faces up to this gardener, as I struggled with a 100 more "what ifs?"

Planting flowers in borrowed soil has got to be one of the most humbling experiences. I really felt God speak to me as if to say: "Isn't this what faith really is?"

Hebrews 11:1 says " Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (NLT)

I can truly say, I stood back and as I looked at my work, I knew it wouldn't be for no reason.  I knew we wouldn't be packing up. We would be here a little while longer. I had faith to hang on a little while longer.

Remember those 8 people? Yes, they helped me stay. 

So, as we pray and believe God for big things...I am also convinced He cares deeply about little things. He cares that my oldest daughter doesn't have to lose her home in the middle of "Senior Year." He cares that my youngest daughter likes to sit on the porch with her cup of tea and a book. He cares that this single mom, though often at the end of the proverbial rope...has once again seen Him work.  He loves, He pursues, He comes through.

He cares that the bulbs planted will come up in the Spring and we can all ride our bikes to the park nearby.

He cares about the crimson and magenta and violet faces of pansies planted by me, will not be enjoyed by new residents.

For now, the soil may be borrowed, but the whole "never leaving us or forsaking us?" That's permanent.

Time to sit outside with a cup of coffee and look at the flowers.